Sunday, February 14, 2016

It's Your Call, Make it Good

I’ve been down that road.  You know.  The one that no one wants to go down.  Divorce.  It was the hardest time of my life… by far.  I’m starting this blog in an effort to try and share some of my thoughts and reflections on marriage and divorce, but primarily on the decision to get married.  Mainly I’m doing this in hopes of somehow helping you the reader, in some small way, with your decision-making process.

In a nutshell, it comes down to your understanding of love – true love, for yourself and your partner, the goals you have for your life, and the type of person you are.  With this said, many times determining if you have all of these things are met and are sufficient for a lifetime… well, that can be one “tough call” as they say, a very difficult decision – and it should be.  This is not something to take lightly, and when you think you have the decision made, you should go back and check on it again, and again.  This isn’t choosing a new car here.  This decision on whether and who to marry is the most important decision that you will make towards your future happiness.

Let me repeat that.  The decision to get married, and who to marry, should be the single most important decision of your life.  The decision is not simple or clear-cut as some make it out to be, especially these days.  Some make it out as simple as there are plenty of parties out there that make their business out of helping people figure out how to improve a rocky marriage and even more who are set up to help people simply get out of failed marriages, all essentially built on the result of poor decision making.  Divorce is bad enough on the couple that are separating, but the real tragedy is for any children who came from the marriage.  It’s very easy and quick to get into a marriage.  It can be extremely difficult and painful getting out of one.

My hope is to try and help people avoid the pain that I’ve gone through for years in a dysfunctional marriage.  Someone may stumble upon this blog and potentially learn something which helps them with resources on how to deeply and thoughtfully consider whether they are on the right track with their decision process on the big question.  There are many resources out there to help people with decisions, but sometimes it’s hard to find the right ones that really touch on such an emotionally-charged decision.

Friends, family, hormones, biological clocks, peer pressure, society, religion, the list goes on – all deeply influence our hearts and minds.  One of the key points we’ll discuss is getting away from that and focusing on what you both feel and think about your situation.  Sometimes it can be just remembering who you are, distinct and separate from all of those influences, and that you actually can be happy on your own, which can make all the difference and allow you to see clearly what is and maybe what is not working for you.

Valentine’s Day.  Flowers, chocolate, good wine, romantic dinners and all the sweetness.  It can be wonderful.  I remember it.  Enjoy it – deeply.  Tomorrow, after the date nights are over, and the expectations have been, or maybe have not been fulfilled, we’ll take a look at those feelings and thoughts.   Happy V-Day.

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